You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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