i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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