I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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