I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
