Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
