haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i used baking grease as lip gloss
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
