I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
