Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
