She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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