Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
