Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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