I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
