I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
