Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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