we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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