Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
