Barsexuality is the new black.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
