literally had 100 drinks last night.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Randomize
