the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
