I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
How does it feel to date your dad?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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