Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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