he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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