Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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