This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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