STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
