why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
