pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
