margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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