your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There's always time for handjobs
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
