I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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