I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
