Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
