someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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