i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
