I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
