Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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