I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I need a beard to bite.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
