Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
