it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
