This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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