my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
