last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
