I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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