halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
