you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
