I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize