God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
