The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
