I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize