he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
