Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
