I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
