i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
