He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize