Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
