xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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