I wish I could punch you in the face.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
