I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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