Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
