apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
