No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
