Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
