I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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