I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
