we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
