haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize