My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
