Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
