16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
