as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
