dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
