Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
