oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
