I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize