Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
