bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
is wine microwaveable?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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