didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
