smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize