In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
