btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
