i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
