watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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