Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
