do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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