I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
