Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
