I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
