ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
