He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
