we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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