i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
