You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
