The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
