She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize