I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
