there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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