Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
