I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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