question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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