the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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