Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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