He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
