you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
