So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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