I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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