she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
