youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
