Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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