We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
