Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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