whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
