So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
