If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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