just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
pray to the hookup gods
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
