Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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