The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
