I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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