Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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