She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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