I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
